Thoughts on Producing Crotch Fruit

I have this kind of weird obsession with parenting blogs for someone who doesn’t actually have any kids. You can lose me literally for hours reading parenting related posts on sites like Babble.com and BlogHer. I follow tons of mommy bloggers. If there’s a debate on the Internet about whether or not it’s okay to let your kid run around in circles in the backyard with a diaper on their head, you can bet I’ve probably read it and contemplated it in excruciating detail.

The funny thing is I feel guilty about it. I know that’s silly, but on some weird level I feel like when I lurk around blogs that are centric to parenting I constantly am haunted by this feeling that I shouldn’t be there and god forbid should I actually have an opinion on whatever be discussed or express it online… I carry this major feeling around that I’m an intruder in the mommy club, and there’s a part of me that wants to jump in and participate in the conversation a lot of the time… but I hesitate.

I’ve been thinking about why recently… and I think it’s because often times my only point of reference when I’m reading parenting blogs is my own childhood and my own experiences with how my parents handled things. I often find myself launching into diatribes about how you shouldn’t do X because my parents did blah blah blah and I feel that it was a terrible mistake and I came out to be an incredibly fucked up adult who can’t eat her vegetables which I usually find myself feeling self-conscious about halfway through and end up deleting because I then realize that all the other people commenting are talking about how they handle whatever the situation is with their kids… and I end up wondering…. Do parents who blog appreciate it when a non-parent jumps in and details a scenario from when they were a child that might be relevant? Do they think that’s annoying? Am I supposed to be a silent bystander until I pop a bun out of the oven? I have to admit… I feel kinda left out.

Then there’s the whole issue of do I even want to pop a bun out of the oven. I’d like to think that I might somewhere down the line… but I can’t imagine even thinking of it for another 5 or 6 years maybe more… and then I start thinking “Oh god, If I wait I’m gonna pop out a kid a 36 just like my mom and I’m going to be one of those old parents that I told myself that I never wanted to be,” and I think of all of the things that I have perceived my parents would have been a touch more interested in had they been ten years younger when I was born… and then I get not s sure, because I could certainly seen our lives going in a direction that might not be particularly conducive to having kids.

One of the blogs I’ve found myself crushing hard on recently is Maybe Baby, Maybe Not which covers the whole not having kids yet and being on the fence about whether or not you want to go down that path and all the pressure there is to make that choice…. and probably for good reason, that’s exactly where I’m at with this stuff.

I’m not one of those people who can definitively say that I don’t want kids. I think there are people who definitely fall into that camp, and I feel for them when people who are parents (or have a conviction that they want to be parents) are all, “Well, you’ll probably change your mind,” because it sucks to not be taken seriously about what you feel is true for your life. But that’s not that the camp that I fall into… if I call myself childfree and someone says to me, “You’ll probably change your mind,” I’m all like, “Yeah, probably.” Plus, the childfree camp often is laced with people who dislike kids, so I don’t really like all of the blogs and communities that are childfree because they spend so much time bitching about kids… and personally… I like kids.

But I’m still not sold on this whole being a parent thing either… That’s kind of a big commitment and half the time I don’t feel like I can take care of myself half the time let alone any crotch fruit that I might willingly produce. Which I guess is what the mommy blogs are for, to sell me on this whole notion that it’s awesome to be a parent. I guess I just want to do it because it’s the right thing for me to do, not so I can fit in and join the mommy club.

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8 thoughts on “Thoughts on Producing Crotch Fruit

  1. THANK YOU! I’m another person who is on in the “Not sure” category about having children. My husband and I have been a “maybe” about kids our entire relationship and a lot of people don’t understand. I really appreciate your honesty about this whole issue.

  2. I love reading mommy blogs also, I’m not 100% sure why! I know that I definitely want to have kids in the future, but not sure exactly at what time that will fit in with my career and everything. Plus, I don’t want to have a kid in Manhattan…so there’s that also. But, I love kids and I used to teach preschool so I feel like I have some perspective to add to mommy bloggers, but maybe I’m wrong…and sometimes I feel like they don’t want to hear it from someone without little ones at home. But, I do think you’re not alone because there are bloggers of all ages/stages in life and I’m sure there are lots that are in that stage between becoming a grown-up and becoming a parent [or even deciding if they want to be a parent]!
    Linda recently posted..Sponsor Spotlight: September 2012My Profile

  3. I can completely relate to basically this entire post. I definitely want kids, my hubby & I are just trying to wait until we are a bit more stable before trying. But- because we want to prepare as much as possible- we think/talk about these little future babies and how we want to raise them a lot. However, people who already have kids always act like anyone who doesn’t is a complete idiot on the topic and never want to hear my opinion at all.

    And I totally agree that the “childless” communities aren’t really that great either. I actually tried to join one on 20sb that said something like “for those who don’t have/want kids” and when I said that I wanted them, just not right now, the creator got really bitchy and told me that I wasn’t really childless then (or childfree…Idk, apparently there’s a difference) and I didn’t belong in the group. The fact that whether you want/have kids or not is so damn divisive is really pathetic and indicates a lack of tolerance and respect on all sides.
    Delightfully Awkward Brittany recently posted..Fall/Autumn DecorationMy Profile

  4. some moms are a bit high-strung and may take offense to someone without kids piping up in conversations, but I think by and large we all want to learn from each others’ experiences, and I think the main issue is just the tone in which your experience is presented. most people bristle at judgmental or know-it-all attitudes, so as long as you’re not coming at it from that direction (which plenty of moms themselves take, LOL) then by all means, definitely join the conversations!

    I was never one of those people who got baby fever. I may have mentioned that to you in person, I forget. and I never really understand knowing you want to have kids and being ready – because there is really no way to adequately prepare yourself for parenthood! I’m just glad they come out as babies so that you have a little bit of time to grow and adjust before they’re talking back. but no matter what, there’s no escaping the feeling of WHAT ARE WE DOING?! we’re too young to be parents, parents are supposed to know what they’re doing! it’s a crapshoot really. all of it. one big giant experiment with no guarantees. personally, we see it as one of God’s ways of helping us realize we need help, LOL
    christina recently posted..my top 6 out-the-window road trip pictures part 1My Profile

  5. Everyone is definitely entitled to their opinion and most peoples’ opinions stem from their experience. If your parents did Y and you think it caused X in your own upbringing, most certainly that is a valid point and one you should feel welcome to share.

    For me, a lot if it is that the CF people who *do* the commenting on those sorts of things are so damn uptight about how “right” they are. Then again, most people are that way :P In general open forums are a good place to offer your opinion. The aisles at Target are a bad place :D

    Love ya nikkiana! I am glad to see this isn’t anti-kid :)

  6. I am also on the fence. My BF has 3 kids from his previous marriage and I’m torn between potentially adding to that number one day or just saving myself (and my uterus) the pain.
    I was subscribed to several mommy-blogs, but I finally cut myself off, cold turkey. Sometimes, I just disagreed with the content, other times I’d be in never-having-kids-mode and just not like reading the blog.. but mostly, Mommy blogs set off my “get married and make babies” fever. I’m definitely not ready for kids yet… I mean, my lazy dog tries my patience.. I get own my own nerves. No kids anytime soon!
    Teh Megan recently posted..Celebrating the arrival of autumnMy Profile

  7. Okay, as someone who may someday morph into a mommy blog (which holy balls, I pray I don’t only talk about my kid 24/7, because am I the only one who thinks that gets real old real fast?), I don’t think I’d be offended at all if you were to jump into a discussion about raising kids. Who cares if you don’t have any? We were all kids once, and we all had parts of our childhood that we feel molded us, and a lot of that was in the way our parents raised us. I don’t think you have to have kids to be a valuable contributor to a conversation.
    Alyx recently posted..Genius idea for Book Club (Obviously not Mine)My Profile

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