Sunday Confessions #22: A Wedding, Photography, Sleep, The New Adele Single and Chores


1. Often when I have a very busy weekend, I find myself not wanting to sit down and blog about it because I’m just too damn tired… and then because I didn’t do it right away, I never get around to it. In particular, this weekend was quite busy because my good friend Jonathan and Rachelle got married! I feel entirely too tired to recap the event, and I didn’t end up taking any pictures myself, but our friend Anna whom I traveled to the ceremony and reception location with got some good ones that I can share!

Anna & Nikki
Taken on the walk between the bus stop and the venue.

Wedding Sign
Adorable wedding sign that Rachelle made.

Jon & Rachelle
Jon & Rachelle during the ceremony.

2. I used to be the girl who was running around with the camera at these types of events. Back in my early 20s, I was always the one running around with the camera…. and sometime after I moved to New York, I just stopped being that person. I rarely take pictures with my DSLR outside of the house because I’m loathe to carry it anywhere. Half the time I can’t even be bothered to pull out the cell phone and take a shot…. and overall, I think this is a good thing. Maybe it’s not such a good thing for my memory books, but because I’m not hiding behind the armor of a camera, I’m much more apt to be socially engaged with the people around me.

3. I love my new job, but this whole needing to get up and leave the house in the morning thing is tough to get used to. My first week was awesome, but the only thing that I feel a little off about is my sleep. I’m sure things will even out in the weeks to come… but the first week was hard! It’s really tough when your partner comes home from work in the middle of the night! There were a couple of times my night’s sleep was split in two because I got home and climbed immediately into bed and then slept for four or five hours, then got up when he got home and hung out for a few hours and then napped for 3 or 4 more.

4. I am seriously digging Adele’s new single “Skyfall” which is the theme to the new James Bond movie. I was reading that the track features a 77 piece orchestra and was recorded at Abbey Road Studios. Now… listen.

5. I am incredibly behind on the household chores. My tasks to get completed this week were to clean the bathroom, do the dishes and take over the laundry… and my current status? Bathroom is half cleaned. I kinda got stuck on that one because the handle on the mop bent so it’s a really big pain in the butt to mop now, but I did it anyway. The floor was pretty disgusting due to the flood so my approach is to clean off a layer of dirt, let things dry a bit, then go over it again and then it should be better…. I think I’m going to try and do the dishes before I crash out for the night.

Sunday Confessions #21: Glitter and Corset, The Bathroom, The Burlesque Edition, Panic and Computer Troubles


1. I just finished writing my submissions for Fifty Shades of Glitter AND for the the next issue of Corset Magazine and now I’m having a sexuality retrospective hangover. I think I just did a bunch of conscious realization of just how low my self-esteem really has been over the past 15 years, especially in the realm of the bedroom. Writing those pieces was incredibly cathartic.

Also, If you hadn’t heard, the absolutely fabulous Dead Cow Girl is pulling together an anthology of women’s stories about sex. The deadline for submissions was extended until October 20th, so if you’re a lady you should totally submit your story (don’t worry, you can be anonymous). Find out more information here.

Corset Magazine is an indie magazine about all things sexuality.

2. I didn’t clean the bathroom today because we didn’t have any water for most of the day. We have water now, but now I’m totally demotivated to do anything and I’m trying to get myself to be tired so I go to bed at a decent hour. I have a feeling that’s SO not going to happen.

3. It was incredibly terrifying to post The Burlesque Edition of I’m Proud of My Size. I went back and forth as to whether or not I should have posted the final picture of that post because it might be going too far by showing bare boob and I wasn’t sure if I should have posted the video… but I decided to go with bravery. I’m not ashamed, I’m empowered by this stuff. I do feel a little disappointed that I didn’t get more of a response… Was it too brave? Did I scare people?

4. I briefly panicked because I thought I had lost the first three items on this list. I clicked save draft and then the Internet appeared to eat it because my router was acting up. Thankfully, it must have gotten through because after I reset and came back, everything was still here thanks to some miracle of science. Woo!

5. I am so looking forward to not having to share my computer. Again. James’ power supply bit the big one earlier this week so we’ve been computer sharing again which basically means when he’s home, I have to share and it drives me crazy because My Computer is Mine! He went and bought a power supply this morning so when he gets home and puts it in, he (fingers crossed) should be fixed and all normal order restored to the house.

Sunday Confessions #19: Cleaning and Organization, Being Antisocial, Make-up, Writer’s Block and Blogging Tutorials

1. I hate everything that has to do with cleaning and organization. Since I’m in-between gigs at the moment, that sorta means cleaning organization sorta *is* my main gig and I’m failing at it big time. It’s absolutely uncanny my ability to be able to walk into the room and totally ignore all of the stuff that I have to get done. I mean sure, I recognize that when I walk into the bathroom I really need to vacuum and wash the floor… or that the sink is full of dishes… and sure, I know my general state of happiness will be much better if I just buckled down and took the 15 minutes to actually DO those things, but still… I turn around and stick my nose in the screen and beat myself up on my blog. I think I need to be revisiting FlyLady.

2. I’ve been an antisocial recluse all week. I realized yesterday when I was walking to Rite-Aid to pick up some toothbrushes that I’d pretty much not left the apartment since I got back from Vermont last weekend. I think I might have left once to go to the grocery store with James on Tuesday (Was that Tuesday? Or maybe it was Wednesday… I’ve lost track) and that’s about it. This happens any time I don’t have money in my bank account… which is silly, because there’s no law saying that I have to be an antisocial recluse because I’m broke. It just sorta happens that way.

3. Wearing make-up makes me feel extremely self-conscious. I very seldom wear make-up, and when I do it tends to be really understated because if I try to do anything that’s bold I look in the mirror and say to myself, “Who do you think you are? You look like such a dirty slut!” and if I just tell myself to go with it, I’m terrified that people are staring at me because I made a make-up faux pas. However, when I notice other women’s makeup on the train I never think things like that about them… I might notice if someone has some particularly bold eyeliner or is wearing a bright lipstick, but it’s almost always admiration that they can pull it off.

4. I feel like I’ve been struggling with a nasty case of writer’s block this week. I started something like three different blog entries and got a paragraph in and couldn’t find the words to express what I wanted to say. I especially seem to struggle when I start something on a whim and then something happens to distract me… Like, I start writing something and then James comes home in the middle and wants to talk. By the time I get back to it, I’ve lost my momentum and don’t know what to say next.

5. I had a lot of fun sitting at home on a Saturday night writing my first blogging related tutorial. If you hadn’t noticed my previous entry, check out The 411 on How to Follow a Blog: GFC and Google Reader. I think I’m going to do more of these… There’s so much random stuff that I seem to know about that I assume everyone knows about, so I don’t write about it… and it turns out, sometimes people don’t know a lot of the things I just assume they know so I probably should write about it. So I’m going to. If you happen to have any suggestions, please let me know!


Sunday Confessions #18: Sound Sensitivity, Political Tension, My Bed, Yoga and Settling In


1. Sometimes my boyfriend’s television watching habit drives me crazy because of all the noise that television makes. I’m one of those people who has a really hard time filtering out sounds that aren’t related to what I’m currently focusing on. It’s really difficult for me at times to sit down and write a blog entry or read a book or really do anything if the television is on and I can hear it… and it’s so frustrating! I hate having to constantly ask him to turn it down or put on headphones but some days the frustration that it causes just simply pushes me into meltdown mode. I’d probably be batshit insane if it weren’t for my headphones and SimplyNoise.com. This problem is also one of the reasons why I’m not a huge fan of working in an office setting…

2. I tweeted earlier this week something to the effect of, “Whenever I go on Facebook, I find myself wondering how long before America slips into it’s next civil war?” Perhaps that’s a bit strong of a sentiment… but considering the animosity and failure to truly have a dialogue I see between people sitting on the right and left on a daily basis on Facebook, and for that matter… my own feelings out outrage toward people whose opinions I strongly disagree with… I seriously wonder this. And it terrifies me.

3. I am so happy to have my mattress back! We stacked my mattress on top of James’ to save space for the time being and to give me the pleasure of having my own bed back, I didn’t realize how much I missed my awesome half memory foam – half latex mattress. I’ve slept better the past two nights than I have in ages.

4. I’m struggling with motivation to go back to yoga class after having a rough one week before last. The last time I went to yoga class, I guess I was a little bit dehydrated and about 3/4 of the way through the class I just started hyperventilating and seeing stars and nearly passed out. I recognized there was a problem and sat down, and the teacher got me some water and a cool towel and was able to regain my strength again but it was a pretty scary experience. I have a feeling I’m going to have to stick to the restorative and gentle classes for awhile to regain my confidence. I did manage to do an hour long video yesterday though, Do Yoga With Me’s Burnout to Bliss was pretty excellent.

5. I’m still feeling pretty overwhelmed with the settling in process. I’m so glad to have all of my things here with me at my new place of residence, but I’m still having a hard time thinking of this as being my home… I still keep thinking of it as James’ home, which it is that too… but it’s our home now. For now, I’m just trying to be patient and roll with it.

Sunday Confessions #17: Moving, Working, Soda, Twitter and Organization


1. I can’t wait for this damn move to be over! The end is in sight though. I’ve got movers coming on Monday to get the rest of the furniture out, and then I can clean up and hand over the keys and be done with it.  It’ll be so nice to have all of my stuff where I’m actually living again. We’ve begun the slow process of integrating my stuff with the rest of the apartment…  Getting there, slowly but surely.

2. I can’t wait for this damn work project to be over! The past couple of weeks have been nothing but bug fixing and tweaks because things weren’t quite right… and I’m getting so tired of it! I just want this project to be over so I can move on to the next thing and get paid! I’m dreading waking up in the morning because I’m so bored!

3. I’ve totally fallen off the wagon when it comes to the whole cutting back on soda thing. I think with the moving and the work stress, I’ve just sorta said “fuck it” and just given into my whims and desires, which is probably not the greatest thing in the world. Gotta get back on the wagon for September!

4. I spent my Saturday night making myself a list on Twitter of “People Who I Give A Shit What They Tweet.”  I follow a lot of people on Twitter. The number as of today is 732… and it seems to grow as I keep being addicted to giveaways and Twitter’s one of those places where I’m just like, “Eh… I’ll add you. Maybe you’ll be interesting and I’ll get to know you.” The trouble I’ve been noticing lately is some of my favorite people are getting lost in the shuffle of more prolific tweeters. So I made myself a list….. Apparently out of those 732 people, I really only strongly care about 120 people.

5. I really don’t like organizing things. Seriously, it’s not my strong point at all.  On Thursday evening, James and I were organizing the storage room for my stuff (which will eventually be my craft room / walk-in closet) and moving stuff that had been deposited into the living room in there… I spent the whole time just feeling like I was in a daze not knowing what to do unless he was telling me what to do.  It’s like, I’m totally incapable of knowing where to put stuff. I just want to pile it all on the floor and call it good.

Sunday Confessions #16: Yoga, Twitter, iTunes, Non-Hangovers and Curly Hair

1. I went to yoga class this evening for the air conditioning. It was was so miserably hot and sticky in my apartment that when 5pm rolled around, I was super excited to go to the Hatha/Resorative Stretch class at 5:30. It was so nice to go somewhere cool to relax for an hour and a half! Also, on the positive side the teacher confirmed my suspicions of which muscle of mine seems to be the nasty offender causing most of my back pain… My iliotibial band is really tight, and she suggested some stretches that I might want to incorporate at home to help get it to relax.

2. I blocked my first real person on Twitter today. I got really tired of an ex-boyfriend of an ex-best friend replying to my tweets with snarky and condescending comments and I finally had enough and took out the ban hammer. What he said today wasn’t all that bad, but it brought back what an asshole he’d been a year ago when I was in between apartments and his way of being “supportive” was to berate my choice to live in New York City and how it would be so much more responsible of me to live elsewhere. I totally don’t need that shit, and if you have someone who does that to you… ban ‘em! It’s not worth it!

3. I am so frustrated that I can’t get iTunes music sharing to work between James’ PC and my Mac. I can see his library on my computer, but I can’t see my library on his which is obviously the more important thing because I want to listen to my music on his speakers and I don’t want to use Apple’s home sharing thing because we don’t actually use the iTunes store, just the player… and Google has been so NOT helpful in trying to resolve this issue.

4. I slept until 3pm today and felt like I had a hangover. Apparently, BlogHer really took it out of me. I seriously thought I was hungover when I woke up… but nope, I just drank too much free soda at the conference and not enough water which was really stupid in this weather. That said, thanks to the SodaStream demo booth, I’d really like one of those now.

5. Whenever it gets hot and humid, my hair gets these cute little curlies where it’s to short to pull back. See picture for evidence:

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Sunday Confessions #15: Moodiness, Olympics, Giveaways, Notifcation Emails and Analysis Paralysis

1. I have been extraordinarily moody the past few days. It’s probably PMS. Or at least, I’m going to blame it on PMS. There’s been stuff of the unbloggable nature that’s come up that’s got me stressing too. I canceled all plans this weekend and just ended up sitting at home staring at the computer doing nothing and wishing for something good to happen. I’m not sure if that was the best idea… but sometimes I think that you just have to sit and let yourself be moody once in awhile.

2. I’m not watching the Olympics. I can’t. I don’t have a TV, which means I also don’t have cable which means I can’t access NBC’s live streaming. Oh sure, I suppose if I was ambitious enough, I could spoof my IP address and pirate a stream from a country that actually has first world coverage of the Games but I’m not going to bother because I kinda like being a cynical and bitter old wench.

3. I hate blog giveaways yet am compulsively drawn to entering them. I used to have a nice neat feed reader full of blogs that I love to read and now I have a feed reader full of blogs that I entered giveaways on that I’m not really all that interested in their content. I really need to do some housekeeping.

4. I spent half of yesterday throwing fits because for some reason my blog has decided to stop sending out notification emails. That’s why if you’ve commented in the past few days, you haven’t heard from me. I use those notification emails to respond to everyone. I figure it’s a server issue… but I am perplexed.

5. I’ve got so many idea for blog posts, but every time I sit down to write I get hit with a massive case of analysis paralysis. I think it’s because my ideas are all about touchy personal subjects like faith, politics, mental illness, etc. I get bogged down in thinking about how people might react to those kind of things and get scared from writing any of them down. While I do truly believe that most people have their best intentions at heart when they reply, I’m terrified that I won’t have the energy to handle people who might disagree.

Sunday Confessions #14: Toilet Paper, Chocolate Milk, Fashion, Makeup and Unfollowing & Refollowing

1. I kind of hate fancy toilet paper. You know, the super soft stuff that doesn’t have very much on the roll because you’re only supposed to use one square because it’s that absorbent and luxurious? Yeah, maybe it’s just because I pee about a billion times a day, but I can lay waste to one of those rolls in like 36 hours and I’m uber paranoid about using too much so I don’t use enough and I keep getting pee on my hand. I’d seriously much rather buy the crappy two ply toilet paper for a $1 at the bodega because ONE of those rolls will last me longer than the entire 24 roll package of the soft stuff.

2. I’ve been having an obsession with chocolate milk lately. Made with Hershey’s chocolate syrup. Consumed with a straw. Chocolate milk is awesome.

3. When I was riding the train home last night around 11pm, I felt totally self-conscious because I was the only woman on the train who was completely not dressed up. I was the only woman who was in just jeans and a t-shirt. Everyone else looked like they’d at least thought about what they put on to go outside. Even the people who were casually dressed looked like they put some effort in… Is “What Not To Wear” still a show? Because I’m pretty sure I need their intervention. I can’t even figure out what fits me if it’s not t-shirt. And I pretty much think it’s weird / wrong /confusing to buy something that can’t be worn alone. That’s why I don’t own any cardigans. You have to wear something under those and that requires matching and I have enough trouble matching my tops to my bottoms so to add one more thing to coordinate? That’s impossible. I wish I could dress nice, but dear god… even writing that caused stress. I am completely fashion inept!

4. I rarely wear makeup because I cry too much. Seriously. This is the main reason why I never wear makeup. I’m one of those people who tears up a everything… and I just don’t want to tear up at some song that I’m listening to and then discover that I’ve had mascara running down my face like all day.

5. Sometimes I unfollow blogs I like after I’ve read political or religious views that I disagree with. However, I almost always end up adding these blogs back to my feed reader because I like them. I have no idea why I do this, just that there’s just some weird angry impulse that needs to be expressed and I feel like unfollowing and refollowing is more productive for me than actually sitting down and writing a comment about it.

Sunday Confessions #13

1. I might have screamed at the cat more than once this weekend. At 4AM on Friday, he discovered that James had left the window with the box fan in it open higher than the screen and could escape. It’s been that way for weeks, but he just noticed. I woke up with a box fan on my head. I closed the gap and screamed bloody murder at the cat. Ever since he’s been back inside, he keeps going to that window and knocking the box fan over thinking that he can get out. It’s driving me crazy!

Oh, and just as I started to write this, he decided to jump in my lap… claws out. Ouch, cat!

2. I’ve been going through a phase of “I think blogs are boring.” This seems to happen to me from time to time… I keep clicking on my feed reader or on the various of lists of “post your latest post” on some of the communities I belong to, and I feel so uninspired lately. It feels like everything I click on is a “What I Wore Today” post, and okay… people sometimes come up with cute outfits, but it’s so not what I’m interested in.

3. I’m getting really nervous about finalizing this move. I have to have my stuff moved out of my old apartment by August 1st, and it’s really making me nervous. I called and got a quote from a moving company on Wednesday, and it was way more expensive than I really want to pay unless I have them do just the furniture (which was what the very nice man on the phone suggested). So, I don’t know… I’m really freaking out about it. However… I know it’ll be totally awesome to be reunited with all of my clothes and other stuff again.

4. I’ve spent the evening watching the vlogs that Tico & Tina have made so far on their Blank Canvas Tour. If you haven’t seen them yet, you should head over to the Blank Canvas Tour blog to watch. They look like they’re having so much fun!

5. I’m hoping that James is home soon from his trip to Ohio because I want to give him a great big hug because I missed him. Also, I want him to take out the trash because it smells really bad.

Sunday Confessions #12

1. The cat nearly gave me a panic attack after he climbed onto my laptop and seemed to change my screen resolution which I couldn’t change back because it was at the highest setting. Turns out he didn’t actually change my screen resolution, he just figured out how to use the zoom function that I never use.

2. Whenever I come in from being outside, I have to wash my hands. I can wander around indefinitely with sweaty palms so long as I don’t go outside, but the minute I go out and come back in? I’m convinced I have “city hands” and need to clean them.

3. I drunk texted my friend Constantine not once, but twice this week to remind him that he’s awesome. Just listen to this and you’ll know why.

4. I am massively addicted to all of the “With Friends” games… You know… Words with Friends, Scramble with Friends, Hanging with Friends… It’s kinda how I get to sleep at night. Scramble with Friends is my favorite though.

5. I finally made it to 1000 followers on Twitter! Granted, I know Twitter followership does tend to fluxuate so I’ll probably hit that milestone a billion more times before I get past it, but I made it to 4 digits for the first time. The lucky 1000th follower is… @HoneyBeeGrace who blogs at Graceful Little Honey Bee.